I suck

I was planning to blog about a story I read on the BBC this afternoon about a prisoner who has been blogging since going on the run. However, today's post brought with it some news which has me full of self pity and about to open a bottle of wine. So, if you want to read about the prisoner blogging since going on the run, go here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/5219716.stm. I tried to find her blog on my space but I'm new to my space so I don't really understand how it works or how to find someone on it. If you want to take part in my self pity, read on.

So, the dreaded envelope was waiting for me tonight. I knew one was due. Two or three even. The self addressed envelope. The letter from the editor who has read my ms and written to tell me that it sucked.

It sucked.

The letter said "while the characters ere interesting, we found the plot complicated and hard to follow."

Like all my mss, I loved that dam story. I don't think it sucked but then I'm not an editor.
The letter was from a US publisher. I had originally written the ms - called The Husband Hunt - with M&B's Tender line in mind. However, before I sent it, an editor there suggested I try writing something for the Modern Extra line because the Tender line was changing direction. So I never sent The Husband Hunt to them. I sent it to the US publisher instead. And they said it sucked.

Now, that wasn't what bothered me about the letter the most. The bit that bothered me was the bit that read "On behalf of X, I want to express my apologies for the amount of time you've been waiting for an answer on your manuscript."

OK, so The Husband Hunt was sent to X in June 2005 so I had been waiting just over a year but what bothered me was that X also received another ms of mine in DECEMBER 2004 which I still haven't heard back about. I know it was still there - and unread - at the beginning of July when I last checked. So why did I get a rejection letter for The Husband Hunt (submitted June 2005) before I heard about Just Pretending (aka The Italian's City Bride for those who might know it from it's first outing - submitted December 2004)??????

So I had to ring.

I rang.

And spoke to a lovely woman who was surprised I was asking about a 2004 ms. There was nothing on their database about my ms having been read but she was sure they had cleared everything from 2004 so she asked me to wait while she checked where the submissions are kept. Minutes later she was back. My ms wasn't there. Maybe my letter is on the way, she suggested. Or maybe it had been lost. Wait two weeks, she said, and if your letter hasn't turned up, send your ms in again with a letter explaining what has happened.

Now, I'm not being optimistic. I think the letter has been written and it's either been lost - along with all the other post I was expecting in the last 10 days that has mysteriously disappeared - or it's still on it's way.

So, I don't just suck once. I suck twice today.

For just a tiny second, I thought it was time to give up. Why waste my time writing when I'm obviously no good at it? But then I thought about my new ms. It's called How to Marry a Prince. It's aimed at Modern Extra. I've got names for the two central characters and I have a plot. They want their story to be written. So I'll write it and then maybe I'll give up. Or maybe not.

I think my wine is calling me.